yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
