made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
