dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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