I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
