My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
