i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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