just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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