I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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