No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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