The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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