You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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