We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
