So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
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they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
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Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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