He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
