The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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