I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
