UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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