Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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