no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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