You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
