Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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