Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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