Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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