Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
