wakey wakey hands off snakey
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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