My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
