I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
