You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
