Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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