I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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