My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
