gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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