READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
