i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
