Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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