please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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