I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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