Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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