Swine flu. Run for my life!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
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It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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