I wish my penis had an off switch
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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