Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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