You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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