You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My butt remains clenched, sir.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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