these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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