if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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