It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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