remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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