Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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