I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
