Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
