Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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