I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
