Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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