Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
