had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
