the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
