We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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