We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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