have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
