he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So much Jack, so little girl.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
