I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
