Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize