The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I need a burrito and a hug.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
