you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
